Who says I can't be free from all the things I used to be?
Rewrite my history. Who says I can't be free?
Happy 2010! Only two more years until the end of the world, sad day. I know. Ha!
Anyway...Christmas was good. This year didn't really feel like Christmas for some reason. Don't get me wrong; it was great & I'm extremely blessed, but I just felt like it flew by so quickly. So quickly in fact that I'm sitting in my dorm room right now writing this blog. Yep, I'm already back at school, but that's only because I'm taking an Intensive. Wow, let me tell you, four hours in a class room has been extremely rough, but I'm glad I did it. That's two more credit hours taken care of. I'm honestly not glad to be back - in fact, I want to be at home right now. That would be perfection.
This year I didn't make a New Year's resolution - they never work for me anyway. I guess the one thing I want to do is be a better person, but I hope that's every year. Maybe, if I made a resolution, it would be to capture my thoughts more often - which is hopefully what I do here. I really do need a place where I can just vent, be myself, and talk about crazy trash. I know now one reads this & I kind of like it that way; it's for my benefit.
I've been feeling kind of down lately - or insure, that's a better word for. I know that sounds so foolish, but it's true. There really isn't a specific reason; well, at least that I can pinpoint, but I know there is one. I've felt kind of useless for a little while I think, but it's hard to just tell people that. That's one of my biggest problems: I build up this huge, I'm talking huge-huge, wall around myself so people always think that I'm fine or that I can handle whatever's thrown my way, but maybe it's just wearing. Is this making any sense? Probably not. I'll look back and go, "what in the world?" This is just my pity party entry, I guess. I'm ready to graduate though. Get out of school and figure out what I want to do with my life - which I have still a blank piece of paper about.
My grandma had surgery yesterday & I have to be honest - I was a wreck. I knew that she would be fine; well, I knew God would take care of her, but I just had this sick feeling about the whole thing. She did great, but I think it was just the fact that I've grown up with this strong woman in my life & it's so hard to watch her be anything but perfectly fine. My dad is sick. That's something I haven't told anyone. His blood pressure is through the roof again and I'm worried. His dad was his age when he died of a heart attack, but he still thinks he's too tough for that to get him. Honestly I don't think he's happy - my mom is hardly around & it wears on him. I just pray he gets his act together because I need my daddy.
Life is back into full swing and I'm still trying to push off...
I will rejoice. I will declare; God is my victory & He is here!
On the Bright-Side: Jon is fantastic & I adore him, I'm back with friends, my grandma came through her surgery well (thank God!), God has blessed me so much, pears are delicious, I got a coffee pot for Christmas, John Mayer music is peaceful, I found my pinky ring, I can truly feel God working in me, my search for a great devotional is still in progress, Grey's Anatomy will be returning next week, diet pepsi is still great & going to get diet pepsi in a blizzard is just hilarious, Christmas was a blessing, the snow is beautiful, one more day of intensive week, jay-z is still the man, we came home safely from Vegas, Avatar was fantastic, sour straws are still my favorite, my hair is growing, my face is clearing up, I have new pajama pants, Hillsong gives me peace, fireplaces are great alone - or with loved ones, my mommy had her birthday yesterday, my daddy was in high spirits the other day, somewhere in the world it's warm & tropical, FRIENDS still makes me laugh no matter how many times I watch it, cowboys are in the playoffs, & I was blessed with another day.
Until something truly revolutionary,
Jenye
