12/25/08; Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Today I was blessed to hang out with my family and awesome boyfriend and I realized how great my life really is and I really needed a day like this because lately I've kind of had a "poor me" attitude about my life. Honestly I'm not sure why, but I've had the feeling like I don't fit in or that I'm not "popular" enough or that I don't have friends, which are ridiculous things to thin about. I have amazing friends, I fit in with them, and even if I'm not "popular" it's pretty relative thing to think about. Popularity is fleeting and who, or what's, popular today is most likely not going to be popular tomorrow - lets face it. My grandma always tells me that when it comes right down to it all you have is yourself and your family - if you're lucky maybe some close friends, but "when they chips are down it's up to you" and I know she's right. The people that I see on an everyday basis are great, but when it comes down to it they're just out there to survive, much like I am, so I can't blame them for what they're doing, I'm the same way.

Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it's my little Christmas rant - it's always great to get things off your chest when it feels too heavy.

<3

See you next year!

12/16/08; It's Break! Time For Something Fun!

16 Random Facts (stolen off Facebook)

1. my favorite movie is Cruel Intentions
2. i relate most of my life back to a song
3. i'm scared of clowns
4. i let people believe i'm a bad driver, but i'm not
5. i religiously read postsecret.com every sunday, it's part of my day
6. my internship with Comsopolitian magazine is almost a reality (hopefully!)
7. i know he's the one i want to marry, without an ounce of doubt =)
8. high school really was a lot of fun, but it's done, & i'm okay with that
9. lucky was the name of my black cat -apparently something happened to the rest of my sixteen?

11/18/08; Getting There

Let me start off with saying that I've had an awful day today and you want to know who's fault it is? No one but my own. I've been having a slight pity party day and it's not fun. I suppose it's because I'm over whelmed with homework, people, and all that life entails. Sometimes I bring up things in my mind that don't need to be there, the things of the past that always seem to sneak up on you right at the perfect moment - the moment when you're most susceptible to hurtful things. You remember old relationships or past friendships you've "ruined" some way or another. It's in moments like these that I pick up my phone and call the one person I know will understand - and even if they don't they're sure good at faking it - my grandma. I tell her all that's going wrong - or what I "think" is going wrong and the first thing she tells me is, "Jenye, do you realize this is just Satan bringing you down?"

Well of course I...didn't. I never realize these things until someone smacks me in the face with it and that's what my grandma was doing. She was waking me up to the fact that my life is nothing more than I can handle, because if it was God wouldn't have given it to me, he would have dealt this hand to someone else. Just because I have tons of homework and have made my fair share of mistakes in the past doesn't mean I'm any less of a person. I'm not perfect and I don't want to be. I want God's grace to fall upon me and take care of me, I just sometimes forget that Satan is just as real as God is - God is just stronger.

Then, as I was procrastinating my IDS exam paper, I ran across this quote by Pete Wentz. He said, "Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow might not be the best day of your entire life. You just have to wake up and get there." Get there. That's the part that got me the most. We are always so stuck on the problems of the moment or the little things that always tend to sneak up on us from the past that we forget about the good things to come. God promised they would, we just have to have faith to stand up and get there.

10/24/08; It's Time For A Rant

-jumps on soapbox-

It's a strange feeling when the people from your past, the ones that are in your past for a reason and not hanging around in your present, become friends because of the mere fact that they dislike you. Okay, so that's probably not all true, but I've noticed that a lot of people that once talked trash about one another are now rallying together and it just seems really strange that it's the ones that never could say a nice thing about the other person until you're out of the picture. Things like "he's a wimp, he's not good enough for you" or "you need to stop being friends with him, he just wants to get into your pants" or "she doesn't take care of herself, that's why her boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with her" or even things like "she's just pathetic, she can't get over a guy". Really? Now you're all friends...please. Honestly, I'm better off without the people, but it's almost as if you decided to basically become friends to spite me. Good one guys.

-jumps off soapbox-

Have a good day!

10/20/08; Christmas Wish List!

Crest Whitening Strips =)
...they are crazy expensive!

Bare Minerals make-up =)

Uggs =)

Mostly, I just need business attire for anywhere I can possibly find it..oh & money to go to Italy with this summer - that's probably where the majority of my Christmas is going & I'm perfectly fine with that!

Bye loves!

6/22/03; It's Been Awhile

"Stepping up. It's a simple concept."

Summer has been good and I honestly have no room for complaints. I have great friends, some that are old and I'm finally getting back in touch with, then there are new that I wish were closer than twelve hours away. The boyfriend is definitely the most amazing person, ever. My family has been closer than ever even through some tough issues going on. This summer has definitely been different than most summers, mostly because I'm used to all my friends being down the street and free any time during the day. Now it's hard because they're all either working, in a different town, or even a different state! I've grown up a lot and I know that I've stepped up because I can actually handle being by myself. I know it sounds funny, but I used to not even be able to stay in a room by myself and just think without feeling completely alone; now I can actually sit in my room and write an entire journal entry without feeling alone or totally lost in the world.

"It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you something special."

There are a lot of times when my thoughts can catch me off guard and I find myself thinking about things of the past that I regret and that I wish could be different. Then I have to remember that God put those things in place for me, God wanted me to handle those things so I can be sitting here now and think(plus, truly believe), "I can handle anything that comes my way because God is right there beside me." It took me the longest time to believe that, to believe that I didn't lead myself down this path and God was no longer there. I used to believe that I took a wrong turn on God's Road to Life and He was back at the turn just waiting for me to turn around, but now I know, there are no wrong turns. There are just very many different right ones that lead you down the path that was truly meant for you.

Today I know that God has put me on this path, and me alone, because it was meant for me. I was meant to think back at my past and sometimes feel uneasy, I was meant to fall and lose people in my life, I was meant to hit the speed bumps I have and God is holding my hand the entire time. Have you ever felt like God was pointing you in a direction that you didn't want to go? Well, I have a feeling God has practically pulled me a time or two, because I can get very bullheaded sometmes, but looking back I thank God for pulling me; I needed a good tug to get where I am.

"Life's funny sometimes; it can push pretty hard..."

This summer has been great, but it's also been insanely hard. I've definitely hit some walls this summer. First, there was the hit of a close friend getting arrest and getting labeled something that I know he is not. He's such an amazing person and to see him go through something like that was definitely hard to do. Then there was the news that my roommate wouldn't be returning to school next semester. Not only did that leave me without a roommate, but it also left me without my best friend and my confidant. I know God puts me through this stuff for a reason, but it's definitely hard to see it while you're going through it. Life is going to be great and I just have to know that as I go through these challenges that it's setting me up for life. I'm definitely okay with that.

"...in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it pushing back."

-One Tree Hill

When I get down I usually turn on my iPod to something upbeat, something that will keep me smiling even if I want to frown. Or I watch a Marilyn Monroe movie, those are always something that will put me in a good mood. Carol told me that whenever I'm thinking about certain topics that bring me down then I need to do something that reminds me of a good mood or time. Nothing says good mood like Lupe Fiasco or Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. At least not to me. They are usually just the medicine I need to start pushing back in life, 'cause God never promised my walk with Him was going to be easy, but He did promise that it was going to be worth it.

He's right.